Divide and Conquer
First of all, congratulations. You are getting help with dementia. If you are reading this blog, then 1. You are aware you need help and 2. You’ve taken a big step to grow the self-care content in your dementia caregiver toolbox.
Yes, asking for help is self-care. It means you respect yourself enough to reach out.
If you’re at the beginning of your caregiver journey, you’re in for a ride and you’ll need help along the way. Divy up roles in the big picture sense for now: financial and medical. Who will obtain logins and passwords, fax POA documentation to the utility companies, and pay bills? And who will be healthcare power of attorney, and provide transportation to, and attend, medical appointments?
If you’re somewhere in the middle of your caregiver journey, maybe you feel that divvying medical and financial is too much responsibility for anyone but you. Or that it takes too much time to teach someone what to do. Let’s start small: consider writing down a list of things that you can delegate, and that you can delegate to just one trusted person for now. Maybe it’s picking up groceries or medicine, or a short walk with your loved one three times per week. Pick the one easiest, smallest thing and then after 2 weeks, reflect on how it felt to no longer be in charge of it. How did it feel to offload that one small task? If it was scary, then that’s okay. Give yourself more time. But the more likely scenario is you feel fantastic! In general, people want to help and do what they can, so shrug off that guilt! You deserve the break and help.
If you’re an experienced caregiver nearing the end of the caregiver journey as your loved one enters advanced stages of dementia, consider now as a time to seek a consultation with a hospice team. It’s hard to determine when to make the decision to enter hospice, so consider this as casting a line out for help with that decision. It’s not like once you ask for a consultation with hospice, there is no going back. Hospice will help you figure out if now is a good time to set up that care.
In addition to division and delegation, right now take 2 minutes to think of your favorite activity- bowling on Mondays, a pedicure every other Saturday, a cocktail or coffee with friends every Sunday- and do not compromise on that. Schedule it, book it, and stick to it! You deserve self-care.
